Walk into just about any shop in Tokyo, and you will be met with a resounding chorus of “irrasshaimase,” which means welcome in Japanese.

Approach the clerks and they immediately assemble their facial features into a look of utmost courtesy and patience.

The situation is the same almost anywhere you go. At the gym where I work out, it took the life guard a full half hour before he could bear to be so rude as to tell me that glasses are banned in the pool. 

I am generally delighted by this intense sense of courtesy, but there are also times when I feel overwhelmed.

A couple of months ago, I was chatting on KakaoTalk in a locker room, unaware that unlike in Korea where mobile phones are ubiquitous, most public areas in Japan such devices are forbidden in.

Soon a Japanese lady came up to me and made a deep bow. My Japanese is extremely limited, but I could guess that she was asking me to put my phone away. As she talked, the woman bowed several times and apologized profusely for invading my privacy.

While I was touched, I couldn’t help thinking that we were wasting a lot of time on the niceties.

I have a similar problem with Korean call center employees. Their efforts to be polite often border on absurdity, as they ask questions such as, “Would you be so kind as to allow us to ask you for the final four digits of your phone number so that we can ensure that we are indeed talking to whom you claim to be?”

That takes up a full 20 seconds, I counted.

The problem with such extreme acts of courtesy is that more often than not, they are far from rewarding, as those on the receiving end ― myself included ― can be less than grateful.

Let’s take, for instance, the attendants on local commercial flights who are trained to go to great lengths to keep you happy, only to be harassed by celebrity has-beens. At department store parking lots, the staff take on the appearance of lifelike automatons designed to forever beam and salute.

Working in a parking lot should not be degrading. Having to smile like an idiot even when you are insulted is. Just recently, a shocking video of a department store staff member being slapped and cursed at by a shopper went viral.

While it’s important to treat people with respect, one has to draw a line somewhere.

Service industry people, in particular, should stick up for themselves. When you go overboard with being nice and polite, chances are that everyone will just walk all over you.

A couple of years back, Hyundai Card issued an announcement on how employees should deal with the so-called “black consumer” ― let ’em know they cannot get away with murder.

Otherwise, more people will be filled with resentment at the way they are treated, and the implications are many.

Firstly, we will have more frustrated people venting their anger, often online, and causing even more pain to other members of society. Secondly, ill-wishing black consumers ― a nonracial Korean term referring to those who buy goods and return them after using them for a while or file frivolous complaints to receive refunds ― will keep coming back for more. Thirdly, society will forever be divided.

This is because anyone who has been mistreated or violated will inevitably need an outlet for the rage that quietly builds up within them.

When I was on the road several days ago in my quiet Tokyo hood, an elderly truck driver tried to cut in and I didn’t let him. Not on purpose, but I simply didn’t see him. The man honked his horn and shouted and swore at me. I was shocked because I had never witnessed such a public display of anger and disrespect in Japan.

I was furious at the time, but now I am thinking perhaps the man was forced to bow down too low that morning to people who failed to show him his due respect.

By Kim Ji-hyun