Following last week's gruesome case of a father who mutilated the dead body of his 7-year-old child -- he also confessed to neglecting his injured son leading to his death -- the South Korean media have seemed rather obsessed with two words: “why?” and “mystery.”

At first, many reports pointed out that he was proven not to be a psychopath according to examination results released by mental health professionals. And then it was revealed that the father had no record of violent crimes. At this point, many seemed to be genuinely perplexed. “How can a father (who is not a psychopath and has no record of violent crimes) commit such an unusual crime against his own son?” one report asked.

While the barbarity of the crime calls for extra scrutiny, the case and the way the media and the public have reacted also seemed to reflect the way many Koreans live in a social fantasy that romanticizes families and parents.

It’s a socially constructed fantasy, heavily influenced by the nation’s traditional values and morals that emphasize the importance of filial duty and showing gratitude to one’s parents. 
 

In this fantasy, it is inarguable that parents are good, ever-sacrificing beings who often give up their own dreams for their children, and who therefore deserve to be welltreated by their children in their later years. An example is a new bill that would allow parents to reclaim their inheritance from their adult children, called the “Unfilial Child Prevention Law.”

Under such a notion, it would only make sense that the father of the mutilated child must be a sociopath or ex-con. It is unfathomable that an ordinary father could commit such an inhumane crime against his own son. The boy’s schoolteachers gave in to the parents' words that the child was fine, while social workers didn’t bother to check, despite him seemingly disappearing into thin air.

But statistically, there is little reason to be surprised at such a heinous crime. Numbers expose many parents in Korea who are no saints.

The Ministry of Welfare has released numerous reports that have stated over 80 percent of child abusers in the country are the young victims’ parents. As of 2012, 83 percent of Korean biological parents who chose not to raise and live with their children never paid child support to the other parent -- and got away with no legal punishment. And until the establishment of the state-run Child Support Agency last year, the government had made no effort to tackle the issue and help single parents collect child support. The numbers tell us this: A large number of parents abuse their children, while a large number of parents neglect their basic parental duty.

This is the tough truth we need to accept in order to move forward to bring changes.

The danger of living in the fantasy, despite the reality where children are not “automatically” well protected by the parents, is that it tends to silence the victims.

When an 11-year-old girl, who had been confined and abused by her father for two years, last month fled from her home by sliding down a drainpipe and was then discovered by authorities, many local media reports placed emphasis on the fact that the girl “firmly wants her father to be punished” -- as if the decision was something unusual. Last year, an attorney told The Korea Herald that many teenage incest victims are often “guilt-tripped” by judges during trials for wanting to punish their parents. One victim was asked: “Are you sure you are not going to regret punishing your own father later in your life? What are you going to tell your future spouse?”

A recent study by Kyungpook University, which researched 14 court rulings on child abuse cases committed by victims’ parents, found that the verdicts were significantly more influenced by the parents’ situation, such as their income and whether they were breadwinners of the households, than the children’s stance. In 11 of the 14 cases, the parent’s circumstances, including financial situations, pregnancies and criminal records, were taken into account. But only three of 14 rulings considered the young victims’ age, while two of them considered their ability to protect themselves. Meanwhile, just four of the rulings took the children’s stance and opinions into account.

By Korean tradition, hurting or bringing disgrace to one’s parents is “paeryun,” which literally translates to a “sin against heaven.” Accordingly, it’s still a social taboo to criticize one’s parents in public.

Yet such norms should not be used against young abuse victims. No child who has been abused by his or her parents should be pressured or guilt-tripped to stay silent about their damages. A paeryun and seeking justice as a victim should not be confused. Being a parent to the victim can never be an excuse for abuse. The social safety net should cover all children, without the presumption of a parental fantasy.

By Claire Lee (dyc@heraldcorp.com)