As election day is just around the corner, our politicians have become desperate and are coming up with all sorts of lies to rake in as many votes as possible. In fact, they are so desperate that they are willing to do just about anything to get elected. Judging by their behavior, these politicians seem to resemble drug addicts. A former National Assembly member once confessed that political power is like narcotics: Once you get a taste, you will be intoxicated and eventually addicted. Afterward, you cannot help but constantly seek reelection, just like a drug addict seeks narcotics. 

What, then, makes political power so addictive? First of all, if elected, your life suddenly changes. You are showered with privileges ― a luxurious chauffeur-driven car, a personal secretary, several aides and a generous salary. Even better, you do not need to keep regular hours or work hard. Sarcastically speaking, all you have to do is idle around or fall asleep during sessions. Occasionally, you yell at other colleagues to gain the media spotlight, or wrestle with fellow lawmakers like street fighters to show your loyalty to your party. In addition, you can become a hero by breaking a window or detonating a teargas bomb inside the National Assembly building as a gesture of protest. And you still won’t be arrested or prosecuted during the session, thanks to the immunity bestowed upon lawmakers.

It’s no wonder why there are so many funny jokes about politics and politicians. For example, a child asked his grandmother, “Do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time?’” The grandmother answered, “Not always, my dear. Some begin with ‘If I am elected.’” Indeed, politicians promise us things that cannot be realized. Like children listening to fairytales, however, people are naively inclined to believe the lies and cast a vote for them. Other hilarious political jokes include: “During Korea’s ‘brain drain,’ not a single politician left the country.”

Politicians are often prosecuted for breaking laws or taking bribes. People have joked: “Let us limit National Assembly membership to two terms: one in office and one in jail.” In his novel, “The Lion’s Game,” Nelson DeMille writes that it is customary for an arrested criminal to get off the plane ahead of other passengers, even though there is a celebrity politician flying first class. Then he humorously adds that the politician, too, may soon get off ahead of other passengers because he will most likely be arrested for criminal activity in the near future.

The funny thing is that quite a few candidates for the National Assembly are said to have criminal records of some sort already. To make matters worse, many candidates have never paid taxes before. In many other countries, those who have criminal records or have no tax records are not allowed to become politicians, whether a National Assembly member or a Cabinet member. Here in Korea, anyone, including ex-cons and tax evaders, seems to be able to become a lawmaker or a Cabinet member. One is amazed by the incredible magnanimity of the Korean people who are willing to vote for people with such dubious backgrounds.

As election day draws near, we cannot but worry about the future of South Korea. On the one side, we see those old-fashioned, conservative politicians who are still caught up in factional infighting, slandering other politicians, and conjuring up conspiracies, not realizing the world has changed. On the other side, we see radical Marxists who publicly denounce capitalism and dream of building a socialist nation through socialist revolution under the pretenses of progressivism.

The problem is that many nave older generation folks tend to vote for anyone who they think is conservative, even if they are incompetent and corrupt. Likewise, nave young people, who do not realize that politicians are all the same, cast votes for anyone who claims that he is a progressive. But we need to elect conscientious politicians who really care about the future of Korea, who can transcend the boundaries of left and right. We have to elect moderate politicians who can stand in the middle against both extremes, putting an end to ideological warfare that is obsolete in other countries. And we should cast a vote for reliable politicians who have wider perspectives, and a clear vision for the future of Korea, someone who can steer the nation in the right direction in this rapidly globalizing world.

In the whirlwind of populism, we intensely miss a great statesman who is not swayed so easily. We must not forget, “A politician is a man who tells you what is popular even though it is untrue, and who stands for what he thinks the voters will fall for.” We jokingly say, “The reason they bury politicians 26 feet (not six feet) under is because deep down they are nice guys.” We chuckle at the joke. Simultaneously, however, we cannot but help shuddering, because our future depends on the politicians we elect. When we realize we have elected the wrong people, it will be too late to regret. 

By Kim Seong-kon 

Kim Seong-kon is a professor of English at Seoul National University and director of the Korea Literature Translation Institute. ― Ed.