Recently, the Constitutional Court abolished the controversial adultery law because it violates people’s privacy and constitutional rights. The conservative camp immediately cried out, “Who’s going to protect our homes if the government doesn’t?” Once again, we expect the government to be responsible for everything, including the fidelity of husbands and wives.

The innate problem is that Korean husbands, who are not required to wear a wedding ring, can easily cheat on their wives. In pre-modern Korea, men did not attach stigma to having an affair, believing the old saying that great men are always fond of women. That tradition still seems to persist and perhaps that is why people want the government to do something about it.
 
However, a series of questions arise. Would it not be strange if we let the nation interfere with our married life or blame the government for the breakup of our marriage? Rather than the government, should we not blame those who cheat on their spouses? Are we not grown-ups who can take care of our own family and save our marriage? Is it not disquieting that the government controls even our sex life? Besides, as Thoreau aptly put it, “that government is best which governs least.”

Of course, there are cultural differences. Westerners seem to think of an extramarital affair primarily as an act of infidelity or cheating that betrays the wedding vow. Influenced by Confucian morality, however, Koreans tend to think of infidelity as an immoral, unethical act that can be seen as a sin, or even a crime just like grand larceny. Perhaps that is why Koreans think that adulterers should face trial and serve time in prison. But is the adultery law not a relic of the pre-modern Puritan Era when Hester Prynne in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s novel had to wear the scarlet letter A on her chest?

It is absurd that Korean men can have sex with barmaids or masseuses and easily get away with it if it is just a one-night stand. Only when they have a serious affair, does the law punish them. Besides, if a married man falls in love with another woman and plans to get a divorce, should the lovers be thrown into jail? Or should the man be allowed to get a divorce if he wants to break up with his wife?

Infidelity is not a crime, per se. Thus, we can neither force anyone to wear the scarlet letter nor send him to prison. Of course, we need to set high moral standards for ourselves so that we do not cheat on our spouses. Traditionally, Korean women are generous about their husbands’ infidelity, partly because of the social custom of heavy drinking bouts usually accompanied by female entertainers called gisaeng and partly because of the patriarchal society, which gives privileges to men.

Recently, I talked with a group of European female graduate students. All of them maintained that they just want to move in with their boyfriends instead of getting married. I asked them, “What would you do if your boyfriend cheated on you?” To my surprise, they unanimously answered, “That’ll be the end of our relationship. I’d kick him out.” I was quite impressed by their firm determination. One fling and their relationship will be severed forever. Just like those Western women, Korean women, too, should no longer condone their husbands’ infidelity.

Conservative people are worried about sexual dissipations and marital breakdowns after the abolishment of the adultery law. However, they are already rampant. Are they worried about the divorce rate? It is already so high that the abolishment of the law will not affect it much. Are they worried about retribution? Although an adulterer is no longer required to face criminal charges, he still has to face civil suits that may cost him a fortune. That means justice can still be served in many other ways.

A soon as the Constitutional Court overruled the adultery law, an Internet website was launched to invite married people to discuss their marital problems. That website, however, is likely to encourage extramarital affairs. If you have problems with your marriage, you should consult a marriage counselor or a psychiatrist, not another married person.

If you are stuck in an unhappy marriage, you may very well fall in love with another person. In most cases, however, if you truly love your spouse or have a keen sense of honor, decency and loyalty, you would not have sex with another person easily. If you are a decent, trustworthy man, how could you cheat on your wife for sexual pleasure? Thus, the important thing is not making the adulterer wear the scarlet letter, but altering our consciousness. That is to say, we should honor our commitment and our wedding vows.

Even though the adultery law is abolished now, we should be faithful to our beloved spouses, to whom we have committed and vowed eternal love.

By Kim Seong-kon

Kim Seong-kon is a professor emeritus of English at Seoul National University and president of the Literature Translation Institute of Korea. ― Ed.