Kim Ji-eun (not her real name), a mother of two young school children and public servant in Seoul, has been living away from her husband for the past 18 months. Her husband, who lives in another province due to work, returns home on weekends.

“When we were living together, we would spend at least an hour talking to each other every night. Now, we only talk about twice a week. Most of our phone conversations don’t last 30 minutes.”

Kim belongs to an increasing number of South Korean married couples who spend less than 30 minutes a day talking to one together. According to a report released by the Gender Ministry on Thursday, the proportion of couples who converse less than 30 minutes a day increased significantly from 2010 to 2015, from 16.6 percent to 29.2 percent. The proportion of those who said they never talk to one another also increased from 0.9 percent to 1.7 percent.

“I don’t think I have a lot of choice,” Kim said, when asked about the amount of time she spends talking to her husband. “I’m the main caregiver for my children now, and I don’t have a lot of time on my hands. Also, now that I mostly raise the children on my own, there are fewer things to discuss with my husband.”

The report, which surveyed members of 5,108 households nationwide last year, showed that more Koreans, regardless of their age, are spending less time with their immediate family members. From 2010 to 2014, the proportion of single-person households, as well as double-income households increased significantly, from 15.8 percent to 21.3 percent, and 27.9 percent to 31.2 percent, respectively. Also, the proportion of married couples who only see each other on weekends also increased dramatically from 1.7 percent to 5 percent in the same period.

The survey also showed that 37 percent of elementary school children spend time alone after school, while 63.7 percent of school children live with a single parent who has no caretaker to look after their children after school. This raises concerns about the children’s safety and lack of interaction among family members.
 

The report also showed that more Koreans are unhappy with their marriages. While 6.4 percent of all married couples in 2010 said they were dissatisfied with their married life, 11.6 percent of them said the same in 2015.

The proportion of those who said they were happy with their marriages decreased from 56.9 percent to 51.2 percent in the same time period. In particular, 31.7 percent of all married couples said they suppress their feelings and do not take any actions when they have a problem with their spouse. Only 0.2 percent said they seek professional help.

To tackle the issue, the Gender Ministry announced that the government is increasing the number of support centers for double-income households and working parents, from six last year to 82 this year. The programs include tips on work and life balance, consulting on labor rights, as well as classes on parenting, marriage and family life. 

“We found that married couple who spend more time talking to each other are in general happier in their marriage,” said Yoon Hyo-sik, the director general of the family policy bureau of the Gender Ministry.

The report also showed that most Korean parents rely on their spouse, parents and other family members in the event that they suddenly need someone to care for their children such as in the case of an emergency, when they are ill or have suddenly been called into work.

While 79.8 percent of the parents said they get help from their family members or relatives, 15.5 percent said they have absolutely no child care options available in such situations. Notably, only 0.5 percent of parents said they use the babysitting services provided by the Gender Ministry.

“We have allocated more budget for this year’s babysitting program,” said Yoon from the ministry. “The budget increased from 78.7 billion won last year to 82.8 billion won. I believe only about 50,000 households benefitted from the service last year. We’ll do our best to reach out to those who are in need.”

Kim Ji-eun said she is very lucky to have her parents, who have agreed to live with them to help her with child care. Still, even with their help, she said she was extremely unhappy when both of her children were younger. Both her and her husband’s jobs required long hours at work, and it was challenging for them to take care of their children after returning home.

When asked to rate the quality of her life on a scale of one to five  – five being the happiest – she rated one out of five for the days when her daughters were babies. “For my life right now, I would rate four out of five. Things have gotten better as my children grew older,” she said. “But when they were young, I was constantly sleep deprived, tired, and felt inadequate at both at work and home. The babies would cry all night. It’s hard to talk when your own basic needs aren’t met.”

By Claire Lee (dyc@heraldcorp.com)