Americans are known to be hopelessly bad at long-distance relationships. When a husband has a job in New York City and his wife works in Los Angeles, their relationship is likely to gradually deteriorate to the point that they have no option but to break up. One of my American friends teaches at a college on the East Coast and his wife teaches on the West Coast. As they had to spend a whole day traveling to visit each other once in a while, they eventually broke up. The English maxim “Out of sight, out of mind” seemed to illustrate my friend’s case well.

Many Hollywood movies depict marriage break-ups caused by a long-distance relationship. In “Die Hard,” for example, John McClane is a New York cop and his wife Holly works for a Japanese company in LA. Naturally, their marriage is at risk. Despite his wish to restore his marriage, John’s reconciliation with his estranged wife does not look likely. This action-packed movie constantly revolves around John and Holly’s precarious relationship, signified metaphorically by the intrusion of Japanese enterprises and European terrorists into LA. In the end, though, John copes with the crisis, regains his wife’s trust and finally saves his marriage.

However, McClane’s triumph does not seem to last long. In “Die Hard 2” and “Die Hard 3,” John’s marriage is still in trouble, as they continue to live apart. Americans seem to think, “If you are not with me here and now, our relationship cannot go on. You should be right here, right now. Otherwise, I have no choice but break up with you.” Woe to lovers separated by long distances! Of course, not all Americans would think or act that way. Yet, quite a few Americans seem to follow the pattern.

In a more recent movie, “The Amazing Spider-man 2,” Peter’s girlfriend Gwen receives a scholarship from Oxford and decides to leave for the U.K. Both Peter and Gwen know their relationship is over the moment she makes that decision. As they break up, they hug each other and exclaim affectionately, “I love you so much!”

To most Americans, that scene may look quite natural and normal. But to the Korean eye, it would be inscrutable. If you loved your girlfriend or boyfriend so much, why would you give them up so easily? Why can you not wait? Besides, if you are in love, should you not be dauntless enough to overcome all obstacles including geographical distance? You can still go visit her in Oxford during her vacation, can you not?

As reasonable people, Americans seem to think that having a long-distance relationship is neither logical nor rational so it is better that it be terminated. They even seem to think of a long-distance relationship as an abnormal one. And Westerners tend not to tolerate anything they think is abnormal. But you cannot reason with love; love is a logical fallacy. Love defies logical explanations and transcends what we call normalcy. In fact, love requires unlimited sacrifice, understanding and affection. How, then, could you abandon your precious love simply because you find it inconvenient to travel to or live alone for a while?

Koreans seem to be much better than Americans when it comes to long-distance relationships. There are numerous Korean pop songs, folk songs and poems on the theme of partings between lovers or husbands and wives. Sometimes, they wait for years or even indefinitely. When a young man is drafted into the military, which is mandatory in Korea, it is customary that his girlfriend waits for him for two full years until he is honorably discharged. That is pretty normal in Korea.

Moreover, there are numerous “wild-geese fathers” in Korea who send their families to the States to provide their children with a better education. In addition, there are tens of thousands of government officials who live alone in Sejong City, to which many government offices recently moved.

They can return to Seoul only on weekends to reunite with their families. Also, Korea has many “weekend-couple professors” ― the husband teaches in Seoul and the wife in a local city, or vice versa. Strangely, they do not seem to have any serious marital problems. On the contrary, they often benefit from a long-distance relationship. One government official in Sejong City recently told me, “Since we see each other only on weekends, my wife treats me better than ever. And I, too, learn to care about my family. A long-distance relationship has its own advantages, you know.” In Korea, marriages seldom break up on account of distance.

Perhaps a long-distance relationship rarely creates a serious problem in Korea because it is a small country. But America is so big that the distance between you and your spouse can be huge. Nevertheless, there seems mutual trust between husbands and wives in Korea, and “waiting” and “yearning” seem to suit the Korean psyche. If you truly love someone, geographical distance cannot be an obstacle. So three cheers for those who endure a long-distance relationship.

By Kim Seong-kon

Kim Seong-kon is a professor emeritus of English at Seoul National University and the president of the Literature Translation Institute of Korea. ― Ed.