Some time ago, a newspaper report revealed the shocking news that some Japanese housewives were demanding a divorce from their husbands on their retirement day. According to the article, most Japanese wives quietly endure the hardships of their married life and seldom air their grievances. However, when their husbands retire, they think they are finally relieved from lifelong servitude and have every right to declare independence.

Upon reading the news, we Korean husbands commiserated with the unfortunate Japanese men but were greatly relieved because we naively assumed it had nothing to do with us. “Poor fellers,” we said, clicking our tongues in sympathy. We said, “Conjugal relationships naturally become squeaky with the passing years of married life. But our wives would never do anything so cruel.” We thought we were fortunate in comparison to our Japanese counterparts. Alas! We were so wrong. The wives of Korean retirees turn out to be much worse.

As early retirement is becoming common in Korea these days and the number of “stay-at-home husbands” is increasing, Korean housewives are transforming into termagants who do not hesitate to mistreat and even abuse their idle and penniless husbands.

In the eyes of Korean wives, the most repugnant husband is the one who eats three meals a day at home. Thus, these hen-pecked, pathetic “three meal eaters” have to endure their wives’ mistreatment silently, hiding their tails between their legs, sneaking about with the air of a death row inmate, and casting many sidelong glances at their tyrannical mistresses all daylong.

Gene Perret once said, “When you retire, you switch bosses ― from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” Indeed, the moment you retire, your wife stops being your wife and becomes your new boss.

Abe Lemons said, “The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” You end up staying at home round the clock, becoming the object of your wife’s constant abhorrence.

This seems quite the opposite of what American retirees’ wives do. In the TV drama “Hawaii Five-O,” for example, Detective William’s mother moves to her son’s house in Hawaii, fleeing from her retired husband in New Jersey. The alarmed husband rushes to Honolulu to find out why his wife suddenly left him.

“When you retired,” she complains, “I thought we would spend some quality time together at last. Just you and I, falling in love again. But you continued to be away every day.”

I frequently encountered the same type of situation and conversation in other American TV shows such as “In Plain Sight.” Perhaps the Korean retirees’ wives should watch such American television dramas and learn from their American counterparts. When I told my wife about these TV shows, however, she immediately retorted, “What? Falling in love again? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Perhaps Korean retirees’ wives are ingrates. After all those years spent breaking our backs to bring home the bread, how could our wives treat us as though we were expendable? As soon as they find us no longer useful, they turn their backs on us so callously. How could they do that to us?

Before condemning our wives, however, perhaps we should ponder for a moment. Did we not always take it for granted that our wives would serve us three hot meals a day and never think of cooking for our wives occasionally? Did we not yell, “Where is my lunch?” instead of quietly making a sandwich by ourselves? Did we not shout, “Give me a cup of coffee!” instead of brewing and serving coffee to our wives? Did we not demand extra snacks in addition to our three meals per day? It is only natural that our wives loathe us like pests.

If we cleaned up the house diligently, did the dishes and took out the garbage, then our wives would not detest us so much. Instead, they might think that we can come in handy and can be quite useful to have around. If we take care of our meals by ourselves so our wives can go out carefree, they would not despise us. And if we did not boss them around or nag them, they would despise us less.

In Korea, we have a joke that aptly reflects this unique social phenomenon. It goes like this, “You’ve got some nerve if you ask your wife the following three questions: Where are you going? Where are you now? Can you come back home right away?” Perhaps we men should adopt a new motto after retirement: “Ask not what your wife can do for you; ask what you can do for your wife.”

It all depends on us, after all. If we behave, our wives will take us in and treat us well. If we do not, they will abhor us and abandon us. If so, we will be doomed to the life of a pariah at home. If that is the case, the taming of the shrew depends on how well we behave at home after retirement.

By Kim Seong-kon

Kim Seong-kon is a professor emeritus of English at Seoul National University and the president of the Literature Translation Institute of Korea. ― Ed.